sad or mad

S0o today i started the moment of bitter-ness. That's when you have been sad and inlove with someone for so long , that when they text you, you all the sudden have a feeling of rage. This last week i have been trying to "play it cool" when Chase called, and not be mad about the situation. I have failed miserably every time. Every day we have talked or texted, and knowing that he was unhappy with the new girl situation kinda made me hold on a little. Like I have no clue about the actual situation- that he is lying next to someone all nightlong, and spending his every waking second with her.... But then today, it was like.. don't text me - i care too much. Call her. text her. ( PS: im sure he is doing all of those things already)
At the same time,... i want that connection;. i want to talk to him. Its a catch 22. Talk to him, be his friend, continue to care, continue to hope, but just be there for him? Or move on with my life and save my sanity and my heartache for the long run?Because no matter what I have heard him say about moving to quickly with her or making a mistake, in the "long run" i think it will work out. Call me crazy( and people do) but i think it would be my luck that he marries this girl.
I'm stumped. I cant even make my own decision on whats best for me.Why do i chase "Chase"? Is it really Chase I'm after, or just chasing in general? I sometimes wonder if its losing him to her that i cant handle.
Then I had a thought- maybe if i could channel this into another obsession i would be feeling okay... like maybe if i was ten pounds skinnier id be ecstatic with myself and my life and i wouldn't care... ( this is a real thought I'm having) and part of me actually thinks that would be the case. I'm severely obsessed with my appearance as well.
I just think that for every heartache i have or have had... Doing nothing and waiting to see how he feels bout the possibility of losing me in his life has never seemed to work. Doing something and staying constant in his life has never worked either. So what will work? What do i even want to work? I can tell you what i do want is a job- so i can at least be WORKing. ( that might make my mind think of something else from 8-5 atleast)