I can not believe I have allowed myself to fall so behind on the update of my world... to be honest i am not sure i can even catch you up on the last yr without just skimming and skipping stuff..
so in a nut shell...
I have been here in South Florida Over a year now. The boyfriend is living with me ( yes! the same guy from the last posts- mr great!)I am still with the same company that got me here, I am working my tail off and lacking a social life in the mix of all this.
There- your up to date!
Okay lets fast forward to the present.
A) this has been quite the experience. - moving my whole life, moving in with a guy i hadnt been dating but 5 mths, and starting a career
B) I miss my family more than I ever thought i was capable of. I miss Ashleigh. I miss Amanda. I miss my girl friends
C) i pretty much have NO drama anymore and to be frank a life without any drama is refreshing and rather boring at the same time. i tend to find myself picking fights with Josh to just know that Im ALIVE!
D) I am questioning every scenerio of my world...
Did I make the right decision moving here and leaving behind my whole life and everything in it????- SURE I DID! I didnt have a life before. I had a PArty. I had a Soap Opera , i had heart ache and i had a delusional look at what i thought was life. NORMAL PEOPLE DO NOT HAVE THE KIND OF DRAMA ME AND MY FRIENDS HAVE!!!!!! AND I REPEAT ( TO MY FRIENDS READING..) NORMAL PEOPLE DO NOT DEAL WITH THE TYPES OF PEOPLE WE SUBJECT OURSELVES TO!.... i can remeber one time when i was around 20 or 21.. my best friend Erin from Highschool had gone off to FSU. I stayed in Jax. She was really having the time of her life while i was merely dating a guy who i thought hung the moon but really , well lets say he couldnt really "hang" anything.
I can remeber after a night of crying and drama out with her when she came home to visit, and my boyfriend had surely picked a fight with me (more than likely so he could get rid of me to go cheat on me ).... and she loooked at me and told me that very phrase- "this is not normal! Normal people arent like this. Normal relationships arent like this, and Normal friends dont treat each other this way"
I had left highschool only to join the biggest clique in any Highschool around. MINE.
So am i happy i left? YES! Do I miss my DRAMA friends?-YES. am i stillllllll happy i am not a major part of their lives- YES..and more importantly THEY ARE NOT A MAJOR PART of mine. merely a chapter in my book.
Second question: IS HE THE ONE?
This one is plagueing me lately. How is it supposed to feel????
If any of my married friends or readers out there want to elaborate -feel free. I dont know how im supposed to feel so i dont know if i feel right.Soemtimes he annoys the living crap out me...other times i adore him.. again though he annoys the living crap out of me ...Is THAT normal??
We really jumped HEAD FIRST into this whole thing...and i can tell you there have been times i have been like.... "wtf"..but then most the time i am sooo happy to have had him with me through this that i could never imagine moving and so much change alone. NEVER,. thats one thing im sure of! HAd it not been for him coming- i think i may have turned the job down ( i must really love dramatic torture of the life i had) This move made us GROW UP>-----> However i have grown up much much quicker. I no longer like the same things that brought us together. the going out, the fun, the drinks... don't really excite me .... a night watching tv or redecorating my bedroom is a far better choice for actual enjoyment to me these days... Not to mention, i Will be 28 in less than 30 days,... i am not engaged...i am not married... i have no kids.
I WANT THIS. I WANT THE PICKET FENCE. I WANT 2.5 KIDS, AND I WANT TO LIVE NEAR MY PARENTS IN THREE YRS WITH ALL THESE THINGS...
I just don't see him ready to think about major future stuff... I literally don't think he is ready to be a man yet. However he wants to be with me in his "manhood" he just isn't ready to think about a future and what could should would happen in the next 5 yrs... ( the five yr plan)
The problem is i have so much anxiety over this plan and speeding it up- it makes our differences even more apparent!
which causes tension in my mind.
So that brings me to - MAYBE IT'S ME...
MAYBE IT'S ME THATS NEVER SATISFIED.
maybe i am the problem. here i have a great career- which i also want more right now-
a good guy who is learning ( slowly but surely ) how to be a man , a provider, a possible husband match.... and yet its still not a fairy tale...
how can this be?
