oh boy! did i ever "chase"

let the nightmare begin... i mean really. what girl falls in love with the most unstable guy on the planet... and not only falls in love.. falls so deeply in love that a yr later she still is dealing with the repercussion's..... ME! DUH!!!!! ( and not just once, i might add.. i have this taste... bad taste buds!)

so my ex... we'l call him Chase. Chase because i chased his ass after he repeatedly took a shit on me. I highly considered calling him "Chuck" for chuck lidelle cause he is one of those big ass, bar fighter, ufc watching, roid ragers, but as i was writing this.."Chase" came to me...


so in the beginning .. Chase... was my friend. Close friend. He talked smarter than the other guys he ran with. He used big words, and he read. Or at least he told me he did... ( in between his shifts working as a bouncer.... at a club.... -no more details on that) anyway.. he was sweet and he cared. I later found out he was just a damn good smooth talker. he knew what to say... As close friends i had no idea about all the girls he smoothly talked to.. but dammit! i wish someone would have told me...

so somehow we cross the boundaries of friends into dating. From the first night i stayed with him, we were damn near inseparable. I felt comfortable from the start,.,, (which never happens with me)- read my other blog about the kiss... i mean i never warm rt up to anyone. For the first time tho in a long time i felt like this was just "right"... I fell in love. that kind of love where you think this is definitely "the one" ... i told my grandmother that...

but as always with me good things come to an end and we hit a bad streak. We were practically living together ( totally unofficially) and although i felt right at home with him.. the fighting began, and alot of it. He wasn't always nice to me. He put me down inn his rages, and i returned the favor in my drunk moments. Little by little though, friends started coming out the woodwork,,...saying "thats how he is..."
ha... really? well thanks fellas.. could u have warned me... ?

so 2 days before his bday.. he breaks up with me... -starting the long goodbye process ( what my mother calls it when my ex and i hang on to eachother for a yr after the initial goodbye) the night of his bday. my girls and our friends take him out... we have a great time... clearly this guy loves me, i love him.. wel get back together! wrong!!!!!!! no.. CHASE will string me along for what seems like the next decade... ( hahahhahhah funny i say that... bc i have an ex that strung me along for a decade - we'l talk about that one later- somebody help me remember to write a blog based on "birthdays")

So ... a yr of back and forth takes place... he sleeps with other girls while telling me i need to change and we'l get back together.... I needed to change what???? i mean i guess i should be okay with finding out chase was fucking every girl in town behind my back... and not be so damn jealous...?? rigggggggggggghhhtt! ... yeah we were broken up but the kind of broken up where your on "the break'- those of you not familiar with the break.... well thats the time when you arent together cause a guy like "chase" wants to chase other girls, while you sit at home and wait on his ass. Which is exactly what i did. we still hung out. we still were sleeping together.. we still were talking and telling eachother every time one of us took a piss or even took a damn breath. people would assume (until they saw chase "chasing " in the club) that we were still together... and this went on for a very long time... and thats where i'll leave off.... the beginning and middle of "chase"... the end will follow in a later blog. typically as a mean text from him or something comes in and i need to vent =)